 |
| mood because i wanna die but i can't until i'm this tiny.. also just noticed a moth on my ceiling :| |
intake: ~1,400kcals
- mango boba (130kcal)
- eggs (143kcal)
- spicy mayo and celery (96kcal)
- gyro (~600kcal)
- glazed old fashion doughnut (367kcal)
- lays barbecue chips (144kcal)
net: 1,400kcal :/
weight: 112lbs / 50.8kg
bmi: 17.5
≽^•༚• ྀི≼
UGH i don't know if it's considered a binge but i binged... my mom made me a gyros sandwich and when i said i wasn't hungry she told me i'd been telling her that all week. i knew if i argued i'd look suspicious so i gave up and ate it. i was so full and felt disgusting and even still i kept eating and had a doughnut and chips i genuinely want to kill myself. i'm also 90% sure i had a panic attack as i was mulling it over when coming up to my room. i'm anemic but this was different, i felt like i was outside of my body and everything was swaying and i was aware of what was happening but i couldn't control my body. i felt so afraid. i'm so down and my heart is still thumping and i feel like a fucking fatass and idk what to do. i did estimate the max cals i could've eaten to be safe and i calculated my tdee which is around 100 cals over what i logged. those 2 factors make me feel slightly better.... i'll have to see when i weigh myself tomorrow. i'm actually scarred from today i hope this serves my future self a reminder of what happens when you make poor decisions.
at least i lost weight since yesterday! i'm down 8 pounds in a week which is pretty good i guess. i was also very active today instead of just bedrotting, so maybe i burned more than i think? i don't know... i'm especially worried because my sister and i have plans tomorrow with an old friend we're going to a restaurant. i'm going to try and skip breakfast and use my food knowledge to order something not too high in calories. we'll see what happens :/ night