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| i need her top |
- shrimp frittata (243kcal)
- choc chip cookies :/ (~700kcal)
- bbq (~340kcal)
net: ~1,000kcal
exercise: 261kcal
weight: 109.1lbs / 49.5kg
bmi: 17.1
note: i purged... everything
≽^•༚• ྀི≼
i need to stop purging before i fall down bulimic hell again. today is the last day of this bullshit. i started off fine and didn't eat my shrimp egg thing until like noon but then my sister decided to make cookies... i thought one would be fine but they were literally the best cookies i've ever had in my life. i'm so ashamed because that is such a fat thing to think and say aloud but i ended up eating like 4 or something... God I felt like a worthless pig i immediately got up to go purge it. My dad went out with his friends for father's day and brought back a bunch of bbq and fixed me a plate which I didn't even ask for!!!! And he told me to come eat with him. How could I say no on father's day.... :/ I'm an idiot, of course I can say no! i keep coming up with excuses and i had this thought in the back of my mind to not log the food i ate today because of how embarrassed i am. i SHOULD be embarrassed because I'm a fucking pig... obviously I purged the bbq too because of how guilty I felt and it wouldn't come up because I didn't drink enough water with it. stupid stupid stupid.
i was so mad at myself it actually drove me to getting up off my ass and finally trying to exercise. i went out for a walk which i originally planned to be 30min because it was late by this point and I didn't want to be out at dark but i walked a little over an hour. At the 15min point the purging caught up to me and I started to feel sick but I pushed through and it started to feel.. fun. Like I was enjoying it and wanted to keep going, I would've gone longer than an hour but it was almost pitch black and I can't let myself get kidnapped while I'm fat... I at least need nice photos of me at bmi 14-15 to be plastered everywhere so I'm not remembered as the fat bitch who got kidnapped in the middle of burning her mia calories. very embarrassing and shameful day.. tomorrow will be better. goodnight blog.