entry 14 - 6.15

just wanna be tiny like this..
that's what kept me going today

intake: ~940kcal
    - steak/egg/potato breakfast (672kcal)
    - kind bar (170kcal)
    - white chocolate mug brownie (98kcal)

net: ~940kcal

weight: 109.6lbs / 49.7kg
bmi: 17.2

note: i purged the breakfast

≽^•༚• ྀི≼

today was soo hard for no reason. i woke up late and my dad was already making steak and eggs. i could've taken the small chance he wouldn't serve me any to eat my own breakfast OR not make breakfast and eat the plate he was inevitably going to give me and just purge it later, so that's what i did. i hate purging so soon after i wake up because it leaves me so weak and dizzy for the rest of the day... i need to start taking my iron supplements again. oh speaking of i found these fish oil omega 3 vitamins in my mom's drawer and i've been meaning to get them since forever because they help with hair/nail growth so yippee for that.
back to what i was saying, since i could hardly move without feeling nauseous i literally just sat around all day and watched reels and i came across this cafe's videos... food porn should be illegalized because i was ready to whip up the fattest ice cream cereal nutella sprinkled concoction right there thanks to it... it had me craving sweets for the rest of the day which sucks because i was aiming to omad breakfast since it was so high cal. my dad ate a kind bar in front of me so i thought if i ate one too it'd kill the cravings. it didn't do shit.. i was very close to throwing the day and binging but luckily we had nothing... until i found these low cal stevia vanilla chips and remembered i had a low cal mug cake recipe saved! i tweaked it a little but it turned out pretty okay and managed to supress my cravings :)
i weighed in this morning and was at 111lbs thanks to water weight but i weighed again before bed and i'm back at 109.6lbs -_-. hopefully i'll lose more by tomorrow. the thing is water is really what gets me through the day especially when i'm restricting so heavily but it's become almost like a fear food now because i hate how it fucks up my weigh ins. :/ i wonder how other people with eds get around it? do they just not drink water or what...