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| she's so tiny.. |
- kind bar (170kcal)
- costco samples (89kcal)
- chicken salad (376kcal)
- cheesecake (390kcal)
- pizza (155kcal)
- toffee (38kcal)
net: 1,022kcal
exercise: 196kcal
weight: 107.8lbs / 48.9kg
bmi: 16.9
≽^•༚• ྀི≼
desperately trying to focus on the good instead of the bad. i don't know if i'd call it a binge but the pizza and cheesecake were just :/ i had the cheesecake because i was craving something sweet and i thought it'd be worth the cals because of how good it tastes but THEN my sister warmed up a pizza for my younger siblings to eat and gave me a slice... i should've said i'm not hungry but i know she's catching onto me and i really don't want to trigger her into an ed because she's had body issues in the past and her copying my behaviors would be awful. i'd never forgive myself.
i felt really dizzy and faint this morning and i was going to costco with my dad (FUCK YOU SAMPLES!!!) so i ate the kind bar but tbh i should have skipped it. when we got home i made myself the chicken salad which btw was the best salad i've ever had... it was so good and so dense for under 400 cals. i actually feel slightly better because i ate 2/3 of it? and my sister ate the rest so my intake is really around ~1.1k. that still fucking sucks but it's better than more i guess. i burnt my arm really badly while making the chicken for the salad, there's a giant red mark on it and the pain was so bad at first i nearly fainted, like genuinely. everything got blurry and i couldn't stand or breathe so i sat down to regulate myself and it took like 5 minutes for me to come back... ugh. i went on my walk after that and only did 60min because everything was bothering me. i felt too hot, my shirt kept rubbing against the burn mark, my shoes felt too tight, i had a constant wedgie.. the first half of it was literally sensory hell but the final 30min were actually kind of nice.. i just disassociated to the music and kept walking and before i knew it i was back home.
i'm ending with the good news this time because i want to be able to sleep well tonight but YAAAAYYY!!!! BMI 16 :-) today has been so awful that i forgot but typing that out made it so much better. i'm finally FREE!!!! and even if i kind of binged today i'm still under my tdee and did walk so it's okay.. i shouldn't gain anything that isn't just undigested food. okay i do feel better. but either way i need to get it together and this can never happen again because it slows my progress, makes me feel shitty and sad and it is not a good way to end my day!!! and on that note i'm going to sleep. goodnight blog!! ♥