intake: ~1,400kcal ???
i need to look like this
- beef egg sandwich (530kcal)
- briwat (3 total) (580kcal)
- cupcake (280kcal)
- coffee caramel candies (16kcal)
net: 1,249kcal
exercise: 151kcal
weight: 103.9lbs / 47.1kg
bmi: 16.3
≽^•༚• ྀི≼
omg today was fucking kshfdjsdkj i don't even know how to feel about it. everything that could've happened to make me lose my mind happened.. first i woke up at like 104.6??? i was like that CANNOT be right but i also remembered i drank a lot of water the night before.
my mom's plane landed today so i was cleaning the house up to make it nice for her when she came back. i skipped breakfast and didn't eat anything all morning and weighed myself again and i was 103.9 .... which like. okay. i wanted to drop though.. i picked her up from the airport with my dad and she didn't say anything about my weight at first which stung and i moped about it the whole ride home but when i was helping bring luggage into the house she told me i lost some weight. JUST SOME? okay. that's fine.. i'll lose more. she kept making remarks about how i looked skinny and pale and i was kind of freaking out. she made me a plate of food that she brought for me to eat and i ate all of it hoping she'd lay off - and she did. but i regret it so bad. not gonna lie i may have heavily overestimated but i'm better safe than sorry. after i logged everything i had a fucking episode. i actually tried purging first but NOTHING WOULD COME UP. i felt sick and bloated and i literally wanted to die. i was freaking out and did this random ab exercise then paced around my room for like 70 minutes because it was like 9pm at this point and too dark to go out. after what i thought was 10 minutes i checked the time and realized i'd been pacing for an hour.. that isn't even that much though... i'm so fat and disgusting omg what am i gonna do now that my mom is here and i have two parents trying to sabotage and drill food into me. please i wanted to reach 100lbs this week but i don't think it's gonna happen... if i don't hit it by the 9th i'm genuinely going to cry because i'm not even on my period to have my weight loss be this stagnant.. goodnight blog :(