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| i missed my daily thinspo too.. anyways i'm coping with summer being over by reminding myself of skinny girl autumn PLEEASEEE i need to look like her |
- yogurt (60kcal)
- pb granola bars (200kcal)
- donut (289kcal)
- BINGE.
net: ???
weight: 103.3lbs / 46.9kg
bmi: 16.8
≽^•༚• ྀི≼
oh BLOG I MISSEED YOU SO BAD. i literally couldn't update because my charger was missing but once i found it i was preparing for uni and oh my goddododo so much has happened. i'll start with my ed.
even though i stopped updating on here i've been weighing myself consistently everyday and was ........ maintaining etc etc. i did hit my gw on my birthday !!!!! and gained after because God forbid a girl indulge a little on the day she was born. i hit my lowest weight of 98.6lbs / 44.7kg (bmi 16.0) on august 8 and i need it back... lower actually i need to hit 95 at LEAST. anyways august has been a fucking mess i think i literally managed to develop BED because i cannot. stop. eating. i eat till i'm full and KEEP GOING until i literally can't even walk. going hand in hand with that of course my bulimia has gotten significantly worse. i purge everyday now and sometimes 2-3x in a single day. i'll binge then purge then binge again then purge it's fucking horrible. today was so bad it made me log in today and write this entry.. i started off fine, i had 60cal yogurt for breakfast, a 200cal granola bar at school. then i got home and had to run an errand. i grabbed a donut while i was there because i can't resist a donut :( !!! (yes you can fat FUCKING BITCH) and told myself it was a treat so i wouldn't binge later on. the issue is i've just broken down all food rules for myself. i don't care about macros or any of that shit and it's causing me to just eat whatever the fuck. there's days i'll literally only eat ice cream and monsters it's SO. BAD. when i got home i ate what my mom made then my dad brought cake and i ate so much of it then i was craving bread so i ate bread along with a mini croissant and then my dad dinner and i ATE DINNER I AM SO FUCKING FAT. i did purge my mom's lunch but who the hell cares when i ate so much afterward anyways. i weighed myself after and i SURPASSED 105 and i'm like on the brink of being 107lbs... i also found out i'm 167cm and not 170cm so my bmi is even higher. i've technically never even hit bmi 15s and that makes me so suicidal. i've gained almost 5kilos FIVE. i have to fast tomorrow i don't care i need to cleanse myself. i'm so full right now i feel nauseous i literally hate it so bad. AUTUMN is like THE season of skinny. i need to have twig legs for wearing tights and skirts and CUTE AUTUMN OUTFITS FOR SCHOOL. i need to. NEED.
onto brighter things ????? ish. i started uni and made a friend already!!!!!!!! i'm very proud of myself she's also so kind and a little weird so i feel like. comfortable around her. i like my teachers and my classes too so idk. omg also. i get so many steps.. i only have like 2 classes a day but the campus is so big that walking to each class alone gets me 4-5k. i work now too ?? but i think i was working the last time i updated... ummmmmm one of my coworkers told me i should model which like i wish but i'm fucking fat right now soo + another is helping me get a fake id so we will be UP SOON !
this entry is becoming soooooo damn long but it's been over a month soooo..... tbh the reason i binge is because i spend so much time in the kitchen. like we have an island and i've been sitting there to do homework bc my room is dirty and like.., no shit you're gonna binge. i need to lock in so before i started writing this i put away everything, wiped my desk down and vaccumed so i can do my work in my ROOM and not be tempted. also i hope writing daily about how disgusting i am helps too. OMG ALSO I CAN DRIVE NOWWWW ;DDD back to what i was saying i have class tmrw which i'm water fasting like i literally have to and then there's this cute event my school is doing that my friend and i are gonna go to. thank God because that's more time out and distracted instead of being at home binging. hopefully by the time i get home and complete my work i can go to bed or idk. i wanna start staying at school and just doing all my work there and then like walk around downtown to get a bunch of steps in lol but my mom needs help getting all my siblings back from school.. i guess until she's got a system down for them she needs me but UGHHHGHGH I can't wait for autumn... walking along downtown in my cutie fall outfits I MUST LOCK IN!!! i have a month. i can do it. goodnight blog ♥